Is it dramatic to say that today might have been one of the hardest days of my life?
Last night, my friends and I stood in a circle in the backyard of our manor. We watched the sunset, reminisced about memories from the semester, reflected on how much we’ve changed, and appreciated how close we’ve become. At the end of our evening, I said one final goodnight to Harlaxton, left my friends, and crawled in bed. I was unable to sleep.
Last night reminded me of my first nights here. Laying in my bed, awake in the middle of the night due to the time change and from the anxiety and anticipation of what lies ahead.
Now I have similar feelings, but more sadness than I expected. I am both anxious and excited for what is to come next. I will leave Harlaxton, venture to Italy for a week and a half, then finally make my way home. I just didn’t expect to feel so sad about it.
Today was a hard day. My friends and I spent most of our afternoon in the reception, crying, hugging, and trying to smile as we said our goodbyes. We all left at different times, and finally around 4 o’clock it was my turn.
I felt like my heart was being broken. Is that normal? I guess so. Here’s how I think of it.. When I left home last January, I knew everything would be there waiting for me when I return. My home, my friends, my family, my bed. Now it’s different. Leaving Harlaxton, I know I will never return to how my life is at this moment. Living in a castle, traveling every weekend, constantly being surrounded by incredible people, my life will never be this way again.
My taxi pulled away and I waved to my friends that still remained at the manor, the interns and professors who had been there for me all semester, and the castle that had become my home. I had fallen in love with this place and these people, which is what made today so hard.
Oh top of it all, boy I am feeling grateful. I guess Winnie the Pooh said it best…
“How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.”
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